Life on the road - Erasmus

Hi guys,

I wanted to talk to you today about what's going on in my head, even though I haven't written on this blog in a while.

It's been 13 years now since, full of hope and disappointed by a love story that I thought would not, I decided to leave for the adventure of life: Erasmus. I applied to my university and came in as a third candidate. When they called me to choose the final destination among the 3 possible ones indicated by me: Denmark-Aarhus, Austria-Vienna, Madrid-Spain; the choice was quite easy.

On 27th July 2006 I collected my little things and left for my Erasmus year. I spent 12 wonderful months in Aarhus in which I improved my English but most of all I met wonderful people, I was able in that context to savor the cultural differences with people who came from all over the world: Canada, United States, Africa, Indonesia , China, Japan, Iceland, Australia, Brazil and even Europe ... The most solid friendships, still existing today, are still the lifeblood of my life

When I arrived I was a little fearful and scared, shy like today but with less awareness. Slowly I met my peers and not, I had experiences of university parties, I was able to experience how to study at a university other than the one you come from but most of all I experienced who I really am; it was perhaps the only moment in my life when I was 100% myself. Unlike Italy, I was well accepted for who I was, I didn't have to hide or change my way of doing things and relating to others just to be accepted, and I often wondered why this difference.

< p> Well today I think I have the answer: Italy has many positive aspects as it is a beautiful nation with so many treasures but unfortunately if you live there you cannot be yourself, never and the events that gradually follow one another in this beautiful country proves it.

If you are not part of a system that accepts falsehoods, recommendations, hustlers, political acquaintances, preferential social classes, patriarchy, ... life is complicated.

If you are different from what is considered normal or heterosexuality, skin color, way of thinking you are avoided like the plague even if you hide behind the façade of doing good "Italians are not racists". Well it's not true, maybe they are not all but even those who are not 'if they expressed their opinion contrary to that of the others would be in some way accused for ... This means that there is a fake goodness.

Italians are not able to listen and those who do are considered a person not to hang out with.

If you always say what you think or do not behave like the crowd, you are considered in 2 ways: "crazy" or "unmanageable" and of both subjects people are afraid because if you have nothing to hide it is not possible you can be manipulated so that what you can lose by dating a person like you is greater than what you can earn from you. Then the answer is to ignore the human being.

From 2007 to today the situation has even worsened, kids who "my woman", "you have to do what I say" or who feel strong in pack and perpetrate violence around just because bullying is considered cool on the web as well as violence in general (in fact no one would help someone in trouble but they prefer to shoot the story on istagram or put the video on the internet). Culture is practically non-existent despite the amount of graduates present. If you are killed or raped "you asked for it" or "we must understand they are boys" or even "it is the fault of the dead or the raped because he was a certain type of person or he posed himself in a certain way or even worse he dressed in a certain way "or" it's your fault because you got divorced or left someone ".

I don't like this world but I'm forced to live in it and like me many other people ... I don't have the hope that something will improve (the state and all the institutions, the economic powers are doing everything to barbarize the people because it's easier to control and manipulate).

Passwords for living in this world:

-economic power ,

-patriarchy;

-falsity;

-submission

-violence

-social isolation .

I don't know what you think but a nice picture doesn't come out ... Wherever you tolerate all this is a society you can escape from, not live in ...

Call me love again

Good evening, 

it's been a while since I wrote on this blog but today I think it's appropriate to do it. In my mind tonight scattered thoughts, changeable and immutable at the same time. We are now in quarantine each in their own homes from February 29, at least me. With this silent virus, it is more dangerous for me to get out than for many others, but I try in every way to find the strength to face the chaos inside me without letting go too much, even these last 2 days just spent of emotions to manage, not always positive. 

I think there is no better way to describe this period than through a song by Roberto Vecchioni "Call me still love", & nbsp; like "the boat that flew in the sky" Covid19 is causing death and spreading fear among all of us, young and old.

Many people have not been able to say goodbye to their loved ones and I assure you that never as in this moment a loss is really such; you have to find a way to deal with mourning differently than we are used to and often mourning is not the end. When it turns out that a relative of yours has fallen ill with Covid19, even worse if he then dies for this, all the relatives of the deceased are accused and treated as plagued because fear makes bad jokes in all but most of all because 'I believe that respect for others is lacking, it has been completely lost. You are too used to thinking only in a negative way of others, you run, you look at what is worse, but you don't even try a little to understand what brought who we are facing to be as it is ' today. In addition to the pain to be faced there is the addition of bad journalism and the bad way of doing politics, the exploitation of news and the absolute lack of respect for the privacy of those who die but above all of those who live because the spread of news, whether verified or not they are, before the same family members or friends are able to learn about them and process them. But it doesn't surprise me, unfortunately. Vecchioni in his song claims that today to boys and girls who love culture and who try to defend it "are killing thought"; I think it's more than true. Capitalism and the exploitation of the other have led to this, if a person does not read and therefore does not acquire critical thinking, if he remains silent and does not express his opinion, he is more appreciated and understood. It is easier to manage and therefore to manipulate (as if men were to be puppets in the hands of puppeteers) using all the media that exist today and that 99% contain false news. Well most people can't tell the truth or falsehood.

During this time we Italians on the balcony are trying to give us strength by singing together as if we wanted to find that glimmer of happiness that has been taken away from us, we remember the times when "the children were playing and we would have given them the whole world" as long as they return to do it but we are prevented; we try to give voice to those who somehow lost it as "the poet who cannot sing" except at home, "the worker who has lost his job" because many commercial activities are closed and many people have lost their livelihood but in spite of everything they will have to pay taxes to the State, even if postponed for a month or so, and to the owner of the building where their business is located, the rent without earning, in addition of course to the food they need for their livelihood. Finally, "for those who are twenty years old and are dying in a desert as in a pigsty" because human dignity has been taken away from us when politics in recent years has taken resources away from a people ( school, health, public services, ...) leaving us "perhaps" only the freedom of thought because the submission of a people is the only way to ensure that "the coward who hides the heart", "the bastard who is always in the sun "can feel really important and get everything he wants at the expense of the least whose" memory thrown to the wind by the lords of pain ".

As Pope Francis said today "In this world we went forward at full speed, feeling strong and capable in everything. Greedy for profit, we let ourselves be absorbed by things and confused by haste. We did not stop, we did not wake up in the face of planetary wars and injustices [they did not bother us], we did not listen to the cry of the poor [it was not ours] and our sick planet. We continued undaunted, thinking of always remaining healthy in a sick world ", not it is possible and Covid19 has taught us. We must all look the same and try to understand as well, & nbsp; recover something that men today have completely lost empathy. A person who does not respect the social canons they taught us, who behaves differently from what is expected because "the world works like this, the rules are these, ..." is not necessarily a person who has some existential problem to be treated as we often say to those who are different from us. We could pay attention to it and perhaps we could also understand that our judgment is wrong and that maybe there is not only a right way of life but there can be multiple ways of living that we do not understand but are just as right and to be respected.

In conclusion, from all this that is happening we should learn what the true values ​​of life are (each has its own). Today I hear everyone say we must learn to embrace each other, we must be more with the family, slow down. It is true we should and this situation should teach us but I also believe that in reality as soon as the life we ​​have left will return we will forget what we are saying today and we will return to be the same as always (at least most of us) with little respect and often the falsehood that distinguishes us combined with selfishness.

I wish all humanity that is currently experiencing this period of rediscovering "love" praised by Vecchioni the real one, the engine of the world. I also wish you to find "life" again, enjoying small things and appreciating diversity by learning from them and not criticizing them because they are incomprehensible to us. Although they want us to believe otherwise, everyone has the right to live his life as he wishes with respect for the other and without being judged for it. Everyone has the right to his own thought without being avoided for that. Everyone has the right to love and everyone must be respected even more if we cannot understand it in its darkness. It is not repression that makes us grow but the freedom to explore and no one can teach us more than children.

Goodnight Mary

All rights about scripting reserved

Silence is often the answer

Hello to all,
all over Italy as you know by now we are all stuck at home for the Covid19 emergency. This ensures that many people get nervous because they see their lives getting stuck, their work stopped and they are unable to unload what they accumulate. Well, the result of all this was a verbal attack on me today without me doing absolutely nothing. I was even told that I am unable to hold a conversation in a civilized way.

Well even if I am the last to be able to do it, I give you all an advice, when someone behaves in this way towards you, it is not unwise to get up and go away. When you are aware that whoever is in front of you does not understand what is said to him rather than arguing with that person who will misunderstand and look beyond because he always thinks he is on the side of reason without ever trying to really understand someone, as if the ears were serving as an ornament to your head, get up and go away.

It does not mean giving up on the accusations and falsehoods that this person says without fighting but being more intelligent for understanding what kind of person he is. It is not always worth fighting, if someone treats you badly it is not always up to you to explain to him what he did wrong; often he has to understand it for himself because if you don't listen, no explanation can make sense.

Good night to all

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream-and not make dreams your master;
If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings-nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And-which is more-you'll be a Man, my son!

(Kipling Rudyard)

we have to fight discrimination and gender difference

Today and in the past days I have thought a lot about the phrase that a well-known TV presenter said at the press conference to present who would have joined him in Sanremo 2020. To hear a professional say, a man who will present the Italian song festival on a channel national, that women are great women if they are able to be with great men because they have to be always a step behind them, not only it is anti-feminist and discriminating but I think it is only the preamble for the situation in this Country called Italy getting worse and worse.

I was born in this country 36 years ago and thanks to the struggles of women like me I have seen public opinion and ordinary people change ahead of me with the various laws enacted including that on abortion. Women have been given more and more opportunities to demonstrate who they were and how much they were worth for how much more complicated it was than simplicity for men. I have seen the country change and allow the so-called "social lift", therefore to extend to the rights earned by women and the rights of the less well-off to improve themselves and of the very gifted and talented people to be able to establish themselves socially thanks to their skills. Well, it has taken years to gain these possibilities, many more than they are going through to take away all these gained possibilities and nobody does anything, including politics. No woman rebels when told to stay in her place or when any person does her slightest physical or psychological violence and does not do so because she knows she is not protected.

On the threshold of my 23 years, when I should have seen the efforts of previous generations bear fruit, unfortunately I was able to savor only the opposite both in the community that was supposed to protect me and at a working level. I was told without being able to argue that the job I was interviewing was not for me, that compared to a woman they preferred to hire a man, I had to be asked if I was going to start a family because the company could not afford to hire a woman who could only have thought she was a mother. I also had to be told that I would have been yet another failure because a woman who chooses "engineering" as her study path is destined to be such. Women are NOT ABLE to be engineers, they told me. Well how to blame these people if on a national TV the secondary nature of being a woman is exalted. So many battles against gender violence to see women on TV who are said to be without even blinking next to those who say that they are nullity. Well I think this turnaround started when I was about 15 years old. I believe men feel their authority and masculinity threatened if a woman proves more capable than they are and if a woman earns more than they do just as the few rich in turn feel the threat of losing that wealth that makes them "powerful" , as if having power at the expense of human dignity is the meaning of life.

They all forget the past, to justify their personal needs. They all forget it so fast to say, as in these days that SHOAH never existed. Well I am not a judge but I analyze what I see and see a world in ruins, families that raise children and young people by teaching them male chauvinism and discrimination. I see a company that increasingly in reverse trend compared to the past makes laws for the protection of women but then condemns those who have suffered violence because they had jeans that were difficult to unbutton or a miniskirt or simply because they did not have to go through a dark alley to alone or a man because if you are able to suffer violations of some kind from a woman you are gay or less man than the others to say that "discrimination exists and must be fought" but at the same time that nobody wants to do it because it could create problems doing it. I have seen children die for this, parents suffer discrimination and have to be told by the community that if the daughter or son had been bullied or raped or had committed suicide for some reason related to cowardice suffered the fault was certainly the boy because he had not been able to defend himself or because he / she had provoked and therefore had to suffer the consequences of his actions without the possibility of appeal.

I know very well what I'm talking about right now because, unfortunately for me, I live in this society and I experience these changes. Like me, you are experiencing these changes too, my question is: 

WHAT CAN WE DO TO CHANGE THIS COUNTERTEND AND RECOVER HOW MUCH OUR AVIERS LEAVE US INHERITANCE? 

HOW CAN WE REBORN THE BOURGEOISIE? 

HOW CAN WE PREVENT THE WORLD FROM GOING DOWN IN AN APPARENTLY NATURAL WAY? 

Although I know that probably no one will answer me, I still ask these questions, you never know in the future someone can read these words and want to do something ... 

If we do nothing and stand still and watch the world change and we don't stop this way of thinking, we will be like the next migrants we don't want to welcome anymore, in our own country. Think about it.

Good evening to all.

My rebellion is my lifeblood

Hello guys,

tonight in the place should be my home or at least I should consider it, I felt out of place.

It has been evident more than ever that it is a place to which I do not belong, to which, perhaps, I never belonged.

My family is as far away from me as possible in the world and I don't know why. They never understood why I behaved in one way rather than another. It is as if every time I need bread they give me water. They know little or nothing about my past because I am not a person who confides in others but they have never seen in my way of behaving a person who has lived something that did not deserve to live. They immediately responded to my rebellion for bullying in the wrong way and never understood. All of them, nobody excluded, would like me different from who I am and they don't even know who I am. They never really knew me, they don't understand what I say, They can't. I am probably not able to explain so well or my way to explain things is not good but it is no matters.

I don't know how I managed to overcome all my messes, psychologically speaking, alone and while others were unintentionally inflicted but now I have the complete picture. All my life I have been told what I was not, what I am unable to do and how useless I was as a human being; I felt humiliated by those I loved most without blinking; I made myself involved so much and I gave so much importance to people who never understood me that I myself came to believe that I was unable to do anything, to be an incapable and useless person at all.

Over the years I have had the financial support of my family, a roof over my head, a warm place to live, to eat, to drink and anything materially necessary for life and I am extremely grateful for this. I thank every day but what good is it to have something if you are not really seen, if nobody notices when you are psychologically in pieces. We live or have lived in a world where only the career counts for those lucky enough to have one, where only working to survive matters. We work so hard to try to give our children and family the best we don't know our children and our family, so much that we get stressed so much from work that we can't even enjoy a lunch or dinner, so much that a conversation that touches the wrong keys makes us become aggressive, so much that we get sick to make up for anxieties and nervousness that push us to think too often and often in a negative way.

We live so taken by futile and material things, by the cult of beauty and having, of perfection that if we leave something out of place or if we don't do something in the way we judge perfect for us, everything becomes an insurmountable problem that we must remedy. we can no longer say "I am tired, I will think of this tomorrow" but only "I have to solve this thing now so I take the thought away".

Personally I think all of this is wrong. That one person, whoever he may be, allows himself to make fun of another, even if only in a bugged mental attempt to encourage change or react, he is wrong. I think nobody deserves to feel a lifetime for nothing and end up believing it. 

Although I have not seen them so far and despite everything I have achieved many goals in my life, goals that many others have not been able to achieve although they were not exactly what I wanted to achieve. I will always be missing in something, I am human but I am happy with who I am and if those around me, my dearest affections do not understand me and will never have the skills to do it patiently. 

I have to go on without needing them to approve or understand me. I must go on now more than ever and continue to do what I do best: love others more than I love myself, study and travel as much as I can without limits and barriers so that I can finally find my place in the world without necessarily having the approvals or the loves that I seek and that I have been looking for all my life.

Goodnight

Mary

Bad feelings today

Hi guys, 

no day today. 

In reality it is a period that has not lasted for a while. Although life puts me to the test every day, I always try to smile and not to make it weigh on others, also hiding parts of my life from those who should know them in order not to cause them unnecessary suffering but I have almost touched my limits. By dint of protecting others by hiding what I feel and my emotions I ended up being invisible to others so as not to deserve attention, This is how much. I went from feeling alone to being alone. The only person I can embrace is me as I am the only one who can give himself strength. I know I will overcome this too but I am exhausted and I feel that my strength is less and less. 

I just wish that sometimes something positive would arrive in my life 'the lightning bolt' that arrives in everyone's life without having to struggle to have even the minimum that everyone has for free in life but which it seems to me is not up to you, as if not I was entitled to it, as if I didn't deserve it. 

Well, I am sorry for the sadness of this post, it's not from me I just want you to smile and enjoy life. It can continue to rage on me, I'm used to it but I hope you can enjoy it for me too. 

I love you, see you soon ... 

xoxo and smiles

Marianna